Lean on me

Ha... reliability... Being able to rely on someone is probably one of the best thing after peanut butter. Reliability creates trust. Trust creates confidence. Confidence creates success. The equation is simple and works both in professional and personal lives.
Reliability is not only a matter of getting the job done but, most certainly, to get the process effectively communicated. Good and not-so-good aspects of it. Meeting a deadline is being reliable. But informing that the deadline won't be met (and eventually giving the - good - reason why) also qualifies.
Now, on the requester side, how do we influence vendors, employees, co-workers, to show reliability? Constant follow-up can be a sign of distrust. Absence of follow-up can be a sign of disinterest. Where is the right balance? How do we manage the unmet deadlines and their consequences?

I am working regularly with free-lance graphic designers and programmers. I try, every time to effectively communicate the degree of emergency linked to the jobs I'm requesting. When possible, I don't impose a deadline but ask: "When do you think you can give me that by?" And then I confirm the date we agreed on. One of my deadline was Wednesday. By Friday, I still haven't received anything. Because I've found the person who's executing the job to be poorly reliable before, I had a pretty close follow-up, still trying not too be too overbearing (it was Holiday season and I respect everyone's need for time off.) I placed a new request today, reminding of the deadline we agreed on and asking for a new one so that I can, on my side, communicate effectively to my client. And I have no answer to my request. As a last resource, I started to execute the job myself, which takes time (I'm not a trained graphic designer or programmer), and probably duplicate the effort.

What is the best approach to lack of reliability? How do you deal with people you can't lean on?

Just one look

It's common to hear that eyes are the mirror of the soul. More than just a reflexion of our deep thoughts (which can often lead to many interpretations), eyes initiate the relationship, eyes set the tone, eyes shut.

There are many ways of laying eyes on somebody. And by this small action initiate a chain of reactions. As an experience, just walk down the street and pick a random person, make a short eye contact. 9 times out of 10 this person will either say hello, nod, or look away and pretend they didn't see you. Whatever the outcome is, you just initiated a relationship.

Many silent communications can be made through the eyes, trying shamelessly to send or read thoughts and, when the connection with the person is deep enough, succeeding.

Being stuck in an undesired conversation in a bar and sending a desperate S.O.S to a friend on the other side of the room, with just one look: "Save me." Listening to the non-sense of an unreliable C.E.O, barely able to contain the disdain and lack of respect that start coming out of every pore of the skin, and receiving from across the conference-room table a silent message from a manager, with just one look: "Don't go there." Hearing a new word in a conversation and not being able to make any sense of it and communicating, with just one look: "You lost me in translation."

Silent communications can be longer. Loosing yourself in someone's eyes, pushing the limits of intimacy, when something needs to come out but there are no words to say it. Being at loss with words is often either the result of deep emotions or fear of hurting: "I can't say that to you, so I'm looking at you and hoping you understand." The risk is, in this situation, that 9 times out of 10 the person will misinterpret the look and use it to validate his/her own fears, hopes and emotions.

It was early on a Sunday morning; he jumped out of bed, mumbling something about work to do and people to meet. He got dressed, gave me a peck on the lips and walked out the door. I saw him leave, turn around, and look at me. I knew. I never saw him again. He broke my heart, with just one look.