Something (sort of) funny happened yesterday, as I was playing with my Facebook profile: I suddenly got the inspiration to get rid of the word "Single" on my "Relationship Status". The reason behind the madness: I happen to have more and more professional contacts on Facebook and I like to idea of keeping the private life a little blurry.
So, here I am, about to click on the blank section that really doesn't say anything when I suddenly remember what happened to a friend of mine, not that long ago: she ended-up with a "XYZ is no longer single" on her Newsfeed; stricto-sensus, that would be true. But behind the words themselves there is the meaning that people give them: if she's no longer single that means she's now in a relationship.
I was very proud of myself for remembering that and decided to try to be smarter than Mr. Facebook himself. What I say to you should be as close as possible in meaning to what I want to say to the world. So browsing through my limited options I finally find something that seems safe and vague enough: "It's complicated". That means anything and nothing, you can put all the meaning in the world behind it but at the same time, you don't really know what's going on. Perfect. My smile of satisfaction disappeared as soon as I saw on my Newsfeed: "Audrey is now in a relationship and it's complicated". What? No! All I have left to do is some serious damage control now... Thank you Facebook!
Facebook is like any human being: interpreting and deforming everything we're saying... and repeating it to everyone else! But then, it brought me to a different kind of questioning: I wondered about the importance to put labels on people. How important is it to know what their Relationship Status is? Does it make us feel more comfortable in our interaction with them? Do we act differently with someone Single, someone In a Relationship, someone Engaged?
And, after all, what does it really mean to be Single anymore? The meaning behind the word can differ from person to person, can't it? Once again, stricto-sensus, it should mean: "Not being in a relationship" but that send me back to another question: what does it mean to be "In a relationship"? If there a definition by the book?
Why do we need to put people and relationships in little labeled boxes?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Being patient or being hopeful?
We often hear all along our lives that we need to be patient: be patient, you'll get older; be patient, you'll be independent; be patient, you'll get where you want to be. It is human nature to want it all, and right now. But over the years we learn to be patient, we learn to wait and take things slower than we would like to.
By demonstrating patience do we also agree to consider ourselves hopeful? Would it be worth it to be patient if we thought the outcome won't be the one we're expecting?
As a small business owner in this new economy, I'm going through times of struggles. My choices are to stop hoping that the economy will get better or to be hopeful, patient and work the hardest and the best I can until better times come. As a friend or a girlfriend, I'm going through times of tension; should I just give up on the people around me or should I be patient, communicative, and give even more time and attention.
Being patient is being hopeful but it's not sitting and waiting. It's working towards the goals we believe in and trust ourselves in our ability to reach them.
By demonstrating patience do we also agree to consider ourselves hopeful? Would it be worth it to be patient if we thought the outcome won't be the one we're expecting?
As a small business owner in this new economy, I'm going through times of struggles. My choices are to stop hoping that the economy will get better or to be hopeful, patient and work the hardest and the best I can until better times come. As a friend or a girlfriend, I'm going through times of tension; should I just give up on the people around me or should I be patient, communicative, and give even more time and attention.
Being patient is being hopeful but it's not sitting and waiting. It's working towards the goals we believe in and trust ourselves in our ability to reach them.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Cleaning up the leftovers
At the end of a relationship, whether it’s professional or personal, one of the hardest things is to let go and stop caring. Suddenly the daily details shouldn’t matter anymore; suddenly we ought to be detached, disinterested, and cold.
Sometimes the main purpose of the relationship is broken, the love is gone, the interest in a job has disappeared, but the smallest details stick around like the old post-its that we find at the back of our agenda. Sometimes it’s hard to un-care.
It’s hearing that someone is sick and wanting to have a word for them. It’s surprising oneself cleaning up a display on a drugstore shelf over a year after leaving the company that manufactures them. Is the force of the habit something that disappears magically one day? What finally erases the leftovers of a relationship?
I had a conversation over the phone tonight with someone that I recently decided to end both a personal and a professional relationship with. The later one taking a little longer to see the end of, the communication was inevitable. And with it, came the string of those little things that transform the interaction between two people into a relationship. Those things that make hanging up the phone a moment where the breath shortens and the heart sinks. Because now comes the times to stop caring.
Sometimes the main purpose of the relationship is broken, the love is gone, the interest in a job has disappeared, but the smallest details stick around like the old post-its that we find at the back of our agenda. Sometimes it’s hard to un-care.
It’s hearing that someone is sick and wanting to have a word for them. It’s surprising oneself cleaning up a display on a drugstore shelf over a year after leaving the company that manufactures them. Is the force of the habit something that disappears magically one day? What finally erases the leftovers of a relationship?
I had a conversation over the phone tonight with someone that I recently decided to end both a personal and a professional relationship with. The later one taking a little longer to see the end of, the communication was inevitable. And with it, came the string of those little things that transform the interaction between two people into a relationship. Those things that make hanging up the phone a moment where the breath shortens and the heart sinks. Because now comes the times to stop caring.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Lean on me
Ha... reliability... Being able to rely on someone is probably one of the best thing after peanut butter. Reliability creates trust. Trust creates confidence. Confidence creates success. The equation is simple and works both in professional and personal lives.
Reliability is not only a matter of getting the job done but, most certainly, to get the process effectively communicated. Good and not-so-good aspects of it. Meeting a deadline is being reliable. But informing that the deadline won't be met (and eventually giving the - good - reason why) also qualifies.
Now, on the requester side, how do we influence vendors, employees, co-workers, to show reliability? Constant follow-up can be a sign of distrust. Absence of follow-up can be a sign of disinterest. Where is the right balance? How do we manage the unmet deadlines and their consequences?
I am working regularly with free-lance graphic designers and programmers. I try, every time to effectively communicate the degree of emergency linked to the jobs I'm requesting. When possible, I don't impose a deadline but ask: "When do you think you can give me that by?" And then I confirm the date we agreed on. One of my deadline was Wednesday. By Friday, I still haven't received anything. Because I've found the person who's executing the job to be poorly reliable before, I had a pretty close follow-up, still trying not too be too overbearing (it was Holiday season and I respect everyone's need for time off.) I placed a new request today, reminding of the deadline we agreed on and asking for a new one so that I can, on my side, communicate effectively to my client. And I have no answer to my request. As a last resource, I started to execute the job myself, which takes time (I'm not a trained graphic designer or programmer), and probably duplicate the effort.
What is the best approach to lack of reliability? How do you deal with people you can't lean on?
Reliability is not only a matter of getting the job done but, most certainly, to get the process effectively communicated. Good and not-so-good aspects of it. Meeting a deadline is being reliable. But informing that the deadline won't be met (and eventually giving the - good - reason why) also qualifies.
Now, on the requester side, how do we influence vendors, employees, co-workers, to show reliability? Constant follow-up can be a sign of distrust. Absence of follow-up can be a sign of disinterest. Where is the right balance? How do we manage the unmet deadlines and their consequences?
I am working regularly with free-lance graphic designers and programmers. I try, every time to effectively communicate the degree of emergency linked to the jobs I'm requesting. When possible, I don't impose a deadline but ask: "When do you think you can give me that by?" And then I confirm the date we agreed on. One of my deadline was Wednesday. By Friday, I still haven't received anything. Because I've found the person who's executing the job to be poorly reliable before, I had a pretty close follow-up, still trying not too be too overbearing (it was Holiday season and I respect everyone's need for time off.) I placed a new request today, reminding of the deadline we agreed on and asking for a new one so that I can, on my side, communicate effectively to my client. And I have no answer to my request. As a last resource, I started to execute the job myself, which takes time (I'm not a trained graphic designer or programmer), and probably duplicate the effort.
What is the best approach to lack of reliability? How do you deal with people you can't lean on?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Starting fresh
There is something to say about the first day of the year. It's a landmark of new beginnings, good resolutions, and fresh start. 2009 started with grocery shopping, filling the cabinets, the fridge and the freezer with fresh food, new diet.
It's a regular in the top ten of the most popular new year's resolutions, both in the American and French culture. Rise of obesity? Influence of medias - and the fact that Bravo TV ran a Biggest Looser marathon all day? Or simply the need to feel more healthy, more energized every day.
Realizing that we have taste buds is a beautiful feeling, that there are savors to explore out there, spices to experience, textures to discover and put something new and different on our plates. Plus the incredible feeling of the "I did it and it taste good"... priceless. Healthy, juicy, fun!
Loosing weight is not what I want to take as a resolution this year. I learned to believe in small steps and one less restaurant outing, one more home cooked meal every week, should do the trick for 2009.
It's a regular in the top ten of the most popular new year's resolutions, both in the American and French culture. Rise of obesity? Influence of medias - and the fact that Bravo TV ran a Biggest Looser marathon all day? Or simply the need to feel more healthy, more energized every day.
Realizing that we have taste buds is a beautiful feeling, that there are savors to explore out there, spices to experience, textures to discover and put something new and different on our plates. Plus the incredible feeling of the "I did it and it taste good"... priceless. Healthy, juicy, fun!
Loosing weight is not what I want to take as a resolution this year. I learned to believe in small steps and one less restaurant outing, one more home cooked meal every week, should do the trick for 2009.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
May the best girl win!
Competition is human nature. Competition makes us move forward, push harder, pass our limits. Competition can occur between co-workers for a raise or a new position, between sibling for the parents’ attention or the last piece of pie on the plate, between friends sometimes to validate a status. Competition happens between people for things as various as money, fame, recognition or affection.
Competition forces people to look at the other and evaluate the differences, the strengths, and the weaknesses, to position themselves in a context, presenting the best side, the strongest face, the calmest mood.
If there is a secret to winning a competition, it’s confidence, without being over-confident. It’s making a statement of strength and detachment. It’s being involved without being emotional. And it’s belief. And sometime we doubt, we loose confidence; we’re scared. But we keep on hoping, we believe. And sometimes it just happens. We win.
I was just a twenty-something, barely out of school when I was put in front of another twenty-something, during an internship, in the race for a job. She was prettier than me, she was more social, and she was not an idiot either. Plus she was a really nice girl and we even became sort of friends… I was scared but I kept on working. Hoping that I would get out of that internship at least a good learning experience. But I was sure she would be the chosen one. I was defeated before even fighting. But I was hoping. I loved my job; I was enthusiastic and hard working. I was passionate about what I was doing. In the end, they chose me. This experience taught me to believe in myself. Doubt is still here, more than often, but deep inside, I have the strength and I know I can win, if I really want.
Competition forces people to look at the other and evaluate the differences, the strengths, and the weaknesses, to position themselves in a context, presenting the best side, the strongest face, the calmest mood.
If there is a secret to winning a competition, it’s confidence, without being over-confident. It’s making a statement of strength and detachment. It’s being involved without being emotional. And it’s belief. And sometime we doubt, we loose confidence; we’re scared. But we keep on hoping, we believe. And sometimes it just happens. We win.
I was just a twenty-something, barely out of school when I was put in front of another twenty-something, during an internship, in the race for a job. She was prettier than me, she was more social, and she was not an idiot either. Plus she was a really nice girl and we even became sort of friends… I was scared but I kept on working. Hoping that I would get out of that internship at least a good learning experience. But I was sure she would be the chosen one. I was defeated before even fighting. But I was hoping. I loved my job; I was enthusiastic and hard working. I was passionate about what I was doing. In the end, they chose me. This experience taught me to believe in myself. Doubt is still here, more than often, but deep inside, I have the strength and I know I can win, if I really want.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Just one look
It's common to hear that eyes are the mirror of the soul. More than just a reflexion of our deep thoughts (which can often lead to many interpretations), eyes initiate the relationship, eyes set the tone, eyes shut.
There are many ways of laying eyes on somebody. And by this small action initiate a chain of reactions. As an experience, just walk down the street and pick a random person, make a short eye contact. 9 times out of 10 this person will either say hello, nod, or look away and pretend they didn't see you. Whatever the outcome is, you just initiated a relationship.
Many silent communications can be made through the eyes, trying shamelessly to send or read thoughts and, when the connection with the person is deep enough, succeeding.
Being stuck in an undesired conversation in a bar and sending a desperate S.O.S to a friend on the other side of the room, with just one look: "Save me." Listening to the non-sense of an unreliable C.E.O, barely able to contain the disdain and lack of respect that start coming out of every pore of the skin, and receiving from across the conference-room table a silent message from a manager, with just one look: "Don't go there." Hearing a new word in a conversation and not being able to make any sense of it and communicating, with just one look: "You lost me in translation."
Silent communications can be longer. Loosing yourself in someone's eyes, pushing the limits of intimacy, when something needs to come out but there are no words to say it. Being at loss with words is often either the result of deep emotions or fear of hurting: "I can't say that to you, so I'm looking at you and hoping you understand." The risk is, in this situation, that 9 times out of 10 the person will misinterpret the look and use it to validate his/her own fears, hopes and emotions.
It was early on a Sunday morning; he jumped out of bed, mumbling something about work to do and people to meet. He got dressed, gave me a peck on the lips and walked out the door. I saw him leave, turn around, and look at me. I knew. I never saw him again. He broke my heart, with just one look.
There are many ways of laying eyes on somebody. And by this small action initiate a chain of reactions. As an experience, just walk down the street and pick a random person, make a short eye contact. 9 times out of 10 this person will either say hello, nod, or look away and pretend they didn't see you. Whatever the outcome is, you just initiated a relationship.
Many silent communications can be made through the eyes, trying shamelessly to send or read thoughts and, when the connection with the person is deep enough, succeeding.
Being stuck in an undesired conversation in a bar and sending a desperate S.O.S to a friend on the other side of the room, with just one look: "Save me." Listening to the non-sense of an unreliable C.E.O, barely able to contain the disdain and lack of respect that start coming out of every pore of the skin, and receiving from across the conference-room table a silent message from a manager, with just one look: "Don't go there." Hearing a new word in a conversation and not being able to make any sense of it and communicating, with just one look: "You lost me in translation."
Silent communications can be longer. Loosing yourself in someone's eyes, pushing the limits of intimacy, when something needs to come out but there are no words to say it. Being at loss with words is often either the result of deep emotions or fear of hurting: "I can't say that to you, so I'm looking at you and hoping you understand." The risk is, in this situation, that 9 times out of 10 the person will misinterpret the look and use it to validate his/her own fears, hopes and emotions.
It was early on a Sunday morning; he jumped out of bed, mumbling something about work to do and people to meet. He got dressed, gave me a peck on the lips and walked out the door. I saw him leave, turn around, and look at me. I knew. I never saw him again. He broke my heart, with just one look.
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